Dear Wanderlust,

"Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life - and travel - leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks - on your body or on your heart - are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt" - Anthony Bourdain. 

Dear Wanderlust, 

Being a wanderlust is like sweet pain. You want to go see all the beautiful things the world has to offer and then you think about your family and home and how much you'll miss everyone and what if this happens when I'm gone and it goes on and on.........until you're sitting in your recliner and telling your grandchildren that your biggest regret was not stepping on that plane. Sorry for my lil rant there guys, but I'm writing this post for me too, LOL. I do have a deep desire to travel and see the world - alone if I have to - but it's a constant battle of what if I do and what if I don't. 

Recently, I did an interview with a fellow blogger, Darcy, who probably had similar thoughts before booking her flight! 

So let's meet Darcy....

Q. Where were you born/lived for most of your life and where do you reside now?

A. I was born and lived for about 22 years in San- Fernando, Trinidad and I currently live in Madrid, Spain.

Q. How long have you been residing abroad?

A. For about three and a half years now.

Q. What was your motivation/reason for leaving?

A. People always ask me this and the truth is that I wanted a change. I didn't want to just study, work, get married and have my kids repeat that cycle. Don´t get me wrong, I´m not saying that I never want to settle down and have a family, I just wanted to see more of the world before I did that.

Q. Why did you choose to go to Spain instead of somewhere else in the world?

A. Well I think I always wanted to go to a Spanish speaking country because of the language but I just didn't know where. In university, I took one of those Spanish courses offered by the language centre and my teacher happened to be from Spain. She really convinced me to try there and talked about how good a fit I would be. Afterwards, I started making pen-pals from all over Spain and they pretty much sealed the deal.

Moving Day....

Q. Did you go solo or did someone go with you?

A. My uncle came with me for the first week. You know typical Trinis, they didn't want me to fly so far away by myself and I´m so glad he came with me to help get settled in, it really made a difference and of course he also got to see some of Madrid, so two birds with one stone.

Q. What do you remember about the day you left Trinidad and what was the journey to Spain like?

A. I remember my last day like it was yesterday. I remember my friends showing up to the airport (one dressed in a giraffe onesie haha) with signs and I was just feeling so many emotions. I wanted to cry most of the time but I just had to try to appreciate the time we had left together. The journey to Spain was long (13 hours to be exact) but interesting. I had to switch flights in Barbados and London and I think every time I got closer, I became more nervous and more excited.

Landing in Spain in 3, 2, 1....

Q. What was it like when you first arrived?

A. You know that scene from Aladdin where they were on the magic carpet flying and a whole new world was playing in the background?..yeah, that describes exactly how I felt hahaha

Q. Who was most helpful with getting you settled in?

A. Apart from my uncle, I had a pen-pal named Javi. He helped me so much. He met me when I arrived and I even spent my first night in Madrid at his apartment ( when I think about it now, that was crazy haha). He took me to get stuff for my apartment, to see some sights in Madrid, he was a God sent!

Q. What were your hopes for your new life in Spain?

A. What a good question. I always try not to go with my expectations very high but to say that I came without any hopes would be a lie. I just wanted to be comfortable here, have a life where I had a decent job and friends I could truly rely on.

Q. Did you experience any culture shock/s?

A. I think it would be weird if I didn't experience any. Where do I begin? First of all, Spaniards eat late….lunch at 2, dinner at 9 and cookies for breakfast. What in the world? Now, I do all three so I think I´ll have reverse culture shock when I come back home haha. Spaniards on the road are so respectful, you know the zebra crossing? The cars stop for you no hesitation, you may laugh but that had me scratching my head. How about the fact that I can order a coffee and spend all day in the cafe, like, you can stay in a place for hours and no one even asks you if you want the bill! SPANIARDS ARE SO DIRECT! This has its good and bad points. On one hand they tell you how it is and there is no confusion but on the other hand, for many other people it can come across as rude. Can you imagine going to a restaurant and saying give me a water or something like that? Yeah they do that in Spain but it’s not in a rude way, it’s just the way it is. There are so many other things which just gave me an idea for a new blog post haha.

Q. What surprised you most about your new country?

A. To be honest, I was quite surprised by how friendly the Spaniards were. A lot of them were very opening and welcoming which I didn´t really expect. Also, the timetables….they have lunch and dinner super late here and my stomach was not having it haha.

Homesickness....

Q. What was the most difficult part about leaving?

A. Definitely leaving all my friends and family behind. It was and still is difficult for me. Saying goodbye to everything I knew in order to live a life where I knew nothing. The days before my flight I was a nervous wreck. I began to question myself and my decisions and I really wondered if I was ready to give up my comfortable, happy life for one of uncertainty.

Q. Do you ever feel homesick and if yes, what do you do to get rid of the feeling?

A. I always get homesick. Especially during Christmas or Carnival. I just sit there in jealousy during Carnival really hahaha. Usually when I´m homesick I try to do things to occupy my mind or talk to my friends back home and no one makes you laugh like a Trini.

Q. What did you miss most about Trinidad initially and what do you miss most now?

A. When I arrived, it was super cold, I mean below 0 cold. So initially I missed the warm weather and wearing whatever clothes I wanted. Now I miss my friends and the food. Spanish food is ok but I can´t get roti or pelau here and really what beats roti and pelau???

Q. Describe a time that you felt ‘most welcomed’ in your new country.

A. EVERY.SINGLE.CHRISTMAS! I haven´t been home for three Christmases and while that can be quite sad, my Spanish friends help with that. I have spent Christmas at some friends´house and it has been the best. You meet their extended family, share their traditions, you´re in the family photos, it´s absolutely wonderful. They really treat you that cousin they haven´t seen in forever but love nonetheless haha.

Expectations vs. Reality...

Q. How do you think your move/migration has changed you?

A. Uff, I have changed so much since I have been living here. The major change for me has been with respect to independence. Here in Madrid, I do everything on my own, I work, I pay my rent, my bills, I make my own plans. Everything depends on me meanwhile in Trinidad I am a little more dependent on my family and friends, which isn´t a bad thing either. I think I am also a little more outgoing and tolerant. I think you have to be when you live in a city full of immigrants from all walks of life.

Q. As time has passed, how does your experience compare to what you expected at first?

A. If anything my expectations have been surpassed. I didn't expect to stay this long in Madrid and I didn't expect to love it here as much as I do. Obviously, nowhere is perfect and there are moments where I miss Trinidad deeply but for the most part, I´m happy.

Q. Do you think that moving to another country has made you a stronger person? If so, in what ways?

A. Without a doubt! I think living in Trinidad had me in a protective, happy bubble and now that I’m out of the bubble in Madrid, I am forced to deal with many situations that I never experienced before. I went from paying no bills to paying all of them, from heavily depending on my family to basically depending on myself. You have to be strong when you’re on your own far away from friends and family. You also have to be brave because it takes a lot to migrate and create a new life on your own, thousands of miles away.

Advice...

Q. What have been your biggest challenges regarding moving and residing in another country?

A. I think one of the biggest challenges has been adjusting to the way of life here. I've spent 22 years of my life doing things the Trinidadian way and even though I think I am well integrated here, there are just some habits or ways of thinking that I just can´t shake.

Q. Was there ever a time that you felt unwelcomed and how did you deal with that?

May sound strange but there has hardly been any times where I really feel unwelcomed. Spanish people are friendly so feeling unwelcomed is hard but there are times where you can feel lonely. I think a lot of us foreigners tend to gravitate to each other because we are all here alone and looking to start a new life so we more or less understand each other. Sometimes, you want to make more native friends but it´s hard especially here because although they are friendly, they are quite close to their friends (and I´m talking about friends of 10+ years) and family and getting into that group is a challenge that sometimes seems impossible.

Q. If someone is planning on moving to Spain,  what would you tell them to expect?

A. Come with an open mind! Moving to any country is difficult but you have to come ready and willing to learn things about their culture. Obviously there will be things that will shock you and things that will be hard to accept but if you have a negative attitude and try to do things as you did back home, you will have a difficult time. Also, just as you’re willing to learn, you should be willing to teach and educate and share things about your life back home and trust me, Spaniards are so curious to know more. So expect lots of questions, lots of OMG moments, lots of fun things to do, an international atmosphere, crazy weather and people saying “what are you doing here if you’re from the Caribbean?” hahaha

Q. What advice would you give them about whether or not they should come?

A. When I wasn’t sure about what to do about moving to Spain, I emailed my Psychology professor, Mr. Pulwarty and I told him that I needed advice. At that time, I wanted the opinion of an honest and objective person and I couldn’t think of anyone better than my dearest lecturer for the past 3 years. I never forget what he told me. He said “ 22 doesn’t seem young but trust me, you are. You have your whole life ahead of you to figure out but if you don’t go, you may always think about what if” . I usually think things over very carefully but after hearing that, I knew what I had to do and I’d say the same to anyone now. If you are thinking about it, go for it. Try it, just for a year. It could turn out to be a mistake or maybe the best time of your life and either way you’re going to leave stronger and have memories to last you a lifetime.

Q. If they decided to come, what advice would you give them about how to make the best of their experience?

A. In my opinion, to make the best of your experience here, you have to come with an open mind and try to integrate as much as possible. You have to find your place and trust me you have a place. Go to language exchanges, go on trips, join a club, find a sports team just do something so you can meet new people. Some of the best memories are shared!

Q. What are the 2 or 3 most important things that people could do to make the process of coming to a new country better?

A. So one of the most important things is taking care of the paperwork as soon as possible. Legal paperwork is so stressful but as long as you find out about all the documents you need, you organize them and deliver them, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Another thing is that if the country you’re moving to speaks another language, try learning it beforehand, obviously you won’t become fluent but being able to hold a basic conversation is a must. Also, making pen-pals before hand can be a great help because later you can meet up and they can become your first friends there in your new country. My last piece of advice would be to join expat groups and ask as many questions and doubts or find out if there are any other people from your home country in your new one and get into contact with them because they have been through it and they can advise you accordingly.

Q. Is there anything you would like to add that that has not been asked?

A. I just want to add that moving to a next country has its good days and bad days even if on social media you just see the good. There are days where you love your new home and there are days where you wonder if you made the right decision. You miss out on a lot of things, your friends go through changes, people get married, people have babies, life moves on and I think you feel left out but at the same time you end up meeting new people, seeing new places and basically growing and maturing. It’s a difficult decision to make and an important one but once you make it, it will change you forever. So if anyone is thinking about moving but having a hard time deciding, don’t hesitate to contact me for advice. 

--- End ---

I just want to let Darcy know how much I appreciated her for doing this interview with me! I approached her with the idea and she was so supportive and down for it off jump! She really has such a kind heart and if you can't take my word for it, this is the message she left me with: 

Thank you so much for interviewing me! I loved the questions and I loved collaborating with you. I hope in the future we can work together on some more projects because there is nothing I love more than seeing girls succeed and helping out each other!


Check out Darcy's blog here  and follow her on Instagram here.

She'll be taking over my Instagram Story really soon to take us around Spain so don't forget to follow me on:

   

 See ya in my next post,
 Paula J.